Overheard Phone Calls

I was chatting on the phone with the cop this morning, as we do every morning when he gets off work, and we had our usual, "normal" conversation about what went on during the night while I was fast asleep.

We have these conversations every time he gets off work, I feel like it helps him wind down. But I was thinking this morning how odd our conversations would sound to someone who happened to be eavesdropping, especially since all you would hear is my side.

"Hey honey. How was your night?
Oh, really? That's like your fifth arrest this week!
Were there drugs involved?
What do you mean a knife?
Good thing you didn't have to shoot him.
Well, he deserved a face full of cement after that!
You going home to bed?
OK, well go straight home after you turn in the crack pipe.
You making dinner or am I?
OK. See you tonight. Love you."

Or if you ever overheard me and my roommate/best friend/MOH talking, you would be just as confused. She is a social worker and generally refers to her cases as "my" mother or "my" teenager, even though I have warned her against doing this is public.

"Hey, you! What's up?
Oh, your mother got caught with cocaine again?
Well, hopefully she will never get her kids back then.
The positive drug test should be good enough for the court.
What do you mean your kid is in jail?
Man, he is totally screwing up his life.
See you tonight for a movie and some Chinese?
Great! Bye."

When I take these phone calls with people around, I immediately feel the needles of a thousand stares and look around to find eyes wide and mouths agape. It's not even worth explaining, is what I usually tell myself. Even if I could explain it, they still wouldn't understand.

But these conversations seem completely normal to me, and two years ago, I would have never imagined having full conversations about crystal meth addiction.